half way there
Well that's me half way there. Ten treatments of radiotherapy gone and ten to go. Four treatments of FEC over and four treatments of taxotere ahead of me.Radiotherapy is strange.I had made my mind up that it would be a breeze-no sickness and less tiredness. Well I was wrong!!I've felt sick since the start and although this is uncommon in radiotherapy of the chest wall I'm told by my onc. that it does happen. Sods law really. I also feel SO tired. Maybe a build up effect, who knows?
The good news is that my hair has started to grow back(not however my eyelashes or eyebrows!)I'm sure it will all go again with the next round of chemo but it does feel nice. I keep a close look out for grey or curly ones-my biggest nightmare. Only joking.
I've invested in false eyelashes and they are great fun. They give a whole new look to my face. It's hard work going to bed-there are so many false bits to take off that I wonder if Gordon recognizes me!It's an amazing thing-6 months ago all of this would have horrified me but it quickly becomes 'normal'. The one thing that shocks me, no that's too strong a word,surprises me is my reflection in the mirror. I don't think I'll ever get used to my bald head. I don't think I look too bad but I still get a shock when I catch sight of myself.
AAARGH-WHO IS THAT WOMAN!!
Along with the dreaded fear that cancer brings along with it I have to admit to feeling bloody angry. Angry with healthy people, angry with beautiful people, angry with pretty much everyone. I hate this,it's not the nice dignified way I hoped to deal with it all.
Being with other people has become a bit of a struggle not to explode and shout out things like 'stop bloody moaning about trivial things and enjoy being healthy'. I should maybe try it, it might make me feel better. Would then be 'Marjory nae pals' so maybe not. I think people would be shocked if they knew just how much fear and resentment this disease brings with it.
Sorry to be less than cheery but, hey, cancers not fun.
Marjory
Labels: chemotherapy, radiotherapy
posted by Marjory @ 12:40 PM
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5 Comments:
amen marjory... i have trouble even dealing with healthy people at this point!
glad you're 1/2 way thru. we'll feel better soon, and this will all be a dark memory..
take care
abigail
Marjory,
Enjoy your blog. My wife is going through treatment right now. I have the same thoughts you described. Sometimes I feel like saying to people when they are describing something petty "do you know that my wife has life threatening cancer?" But I don't. Maybe I should. I'm blogging our experience as well. The address is
http://pattysjourney.blogspot.com
I hope your recent experience with radiation improves.
Dear Marjory,
You got to be strong especially while on taxotere. Try to eat, or rather forced yourself to eat, and for me suppliment like ganoderma helped protect my bone marrow.
Marjory, I know how you feel. People moaning about trivial things. Glad to hear that you are halfway through.
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