Strange Brain

Not really sure what to blame but something has scrambled my brain. Now, I hear you all .... middle aged woman going thro enforced menopause ..... of course you have a scrambled brain.

Now while that may be the answer, I personally am blaming the steroids.

God, they're horrible!

On the day of the poisoning by taxotere I feel ok. Next day my body feels strange and tired. The answer should be wee nap in the afternoon, but NO. My mind is so wired and agitated I found myself planning next years Christmas dinner - not this years. This goes on for two or three days then WHAM, I'm the most depressing person to be around.

I read an article about adrenal fatigue and "brain fog" and I'm pretty sure I know what they mean!

Must be very confusing for my poor family. It really takes a whole week of strange behaviour to be anything approaching normal.

Think of it a strange cross between being senile, a drug addict and premenstrual all at once.
Some may say " and the difference from before is ..... ?"

Fair point ( minus the drugs of course) !

Pink is the New Black

If you don't already know about it then please take a look at Annette's Angels - it's a great site set up by a family in memory of their mom, Annette Roberta.

They wanted to reflect their mother's strength in their website and - as they say - " while we love and applaud the effectiveness of the cute pink teddy bears and the flood of pink ribbon pins in raising awareness, we wanted items that reflect our ANGER at this disease and our POWER to fight it"

They commision designers and craft workers to create unusual items - each giving a very individual slant on the wear pink theme.

It's a great site - go give them some support

mojo

A while ago, a lovely lady from New York ( also with breast cancer ) blogged about losing her mojo. Mojo? Whats that I thought?
Well now I know and I don't like it. I too have lost mine. I wish I knew where it had gone and I would send out a search party. I want it back, intact, exactly how it used to be. Tell me Abigail, has yours come back?

Marjory :-(

folks are strange

Well I'm well on the way to the finishing line now. First dose of taxotere was last week and, touch wood, all seems to be well. It does give you strange aching muscles and joints, not the usual 'i've overdone the exercise kind' but bizarre pains in joints and muscles that don't actually exist. Three or four days of tiredness and now I'm back to fighting fit......Well, you know what I mean.

The fab news is I have a head of hair to rival Kylie! All be it mine is a revolting mousy brown with rather a lot of grey in it, but who cares, it's hair.I refuse to acknowledge it may fall out again but if it does it will be the bald look for me. No more wigs or scarves, ever. I try to convince myself I look elfin but I must be the only 40 something grey haired elf ever to have lived. It is lovely to have eyelashes and eyebrows again, it's amazing how excited I get about these things!

I was just thinking the other day how peoples reaction to the dreaded C diagnosis is far from predictable. People I thought would run a mile, only to say 'see you when you're better' have been absolutely amazing-helping with kids and work and generally being amazing human beings and friends. On the other hand there are the people who I would have bet money on about being supportive who have disappeared from the horizon only to phone once in a while and say their terribly sorry but they have a lot on their plates! I'm guessing it's fear of something so horrible touching their lives but if this has taught me anything it's to never to ignore someone who is going through something difficult or awkward . This may all sound very dramatic but a few kind words always make a difference.

A friend of mine lost a child some time ago and yes you,ve guessed it, she has been one of my main sources of support and above all laughter. She has a way of cutting through all the crap and just asking the right questions at the right time. It's so refreshing to be asked all the questions nobody else dares! She really is a star and she cheers my days with her straight forward approach to the dreaded cancer.


Now on the subject of the Christmas party dress. My idea this year was something that would cover me from neck to toe-not very sexy but there is nothing more off putting than a slipped or indeed missing prosthesis. And lets face it after a few festive tipples tht could the scenario! Help is at hand. On a shopping trip to Edinburgh I found myself in a shop called Hobbs where a very charming shop assistant persuaded me to try on a rather daring wrap dress. Now bear in mind I am the wrong side of forty, vertically challenged and have had too many children ever to call myself svelte but WOW! AMAZING! This dress (with cami underneath obviously!) made me feel something approaching sexy. So of course being a woman I bought two! Roll on Christmas- one problem solved! Marjory